Ahhh… she be basking in the light of people who actually like her.

Yes indeed, why stay home and spend the evenings with a man in the house for whose verbal tongue-lashings I have finally, after 11 years, arrived at Zero Tolerance?

I packed a bag, left a note with numbers where I can be reached in an emergency, and drove an hour and a half to my friend’s house, where we talked and laughed till three in the morning. She also has experienced this same sort of “entitled” attitude from the men in her life; so have most of the women I know; this is sad, but true. It’s disheartening to begin to believe that all men are assholes. I don’t want to, but I find myself leaning in that direction, where no man is to be trusted, where there is no such thing as a “nice” man, as my mother-in-law said one day while we were talking about her son.  

The next day I came into the city to stay a couple days with my best friend, Petra. Only up till 1:30 last night and this morning she’s busy with a client (she’s a massage therapist) while I check my email and such.

So I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about my dissatisfaction or what I’m going to do, but some. I’m asking myself, is it worth giving up the 95% of contented times with my fella, including a home I love,  because of the 5% of time he is so mean and condescending? Am I being too big of a wuss, unable to cope with a little imperfection in a long-term relationship? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Do I need to grow up, myself?

These are questions I have no answer for. I know that Petra thinks I’ve been putting up with his crap for far too long. She is clear-eyed about it, while I am still susceptible to his charm when he decides to display it, which he always does after one of his nasty outbursts. Just like a physical abuser, a verbal abuser feels remorse and goes on best behaviour, trying to make it up to the person he has shat upon. And we women breathe a sigh of relief and hope that things will be different from now on. We hope that the man we love can grow and change, that it’s inevitable once he realizes the damage he’s doing. But it’s not, apparently.